The Nature of Menarche

© David Lockhart

This past week here in Perth, we have seen some spectacular lightening shows. The clouds seem to rumble through the sky, making rolling and bubbling patterns like the pressure building up towards an explosion. It makes some people really uncomfortable. It scares some people (especially the young) and it fascinates others. When the lightening and thunder coincide with a crack, you know the storm is right upon you.

So it is with menarché. For a few years before it hits, there are rumbles (ahem, grumbles!), there are emotions under pressure – to conform, to be manageable, and  to be appropriate – and there are physical changes bubbling over. The lead up can start as early as 8 years old in some girls. No wonder they can find it scary.

While caring parents support their children through their fears of the lightening storm, sometimes it is frustrating when they just won’t go to sleep. There’s nothing to be scared of, it’s just weather. It’s just noise and flashing light and rain. A bit of wind. It won’t hurt you. Don’t WORRY about it – it’s just nature.

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But fear of the unknown is scary, especially when it’s happening to your own body.

This support means different things to different girls. Some don’t want any attention placed on their emotions, their body changes or ‘what will happen’ to them. Don’t mention the blood! Others want to know it all – the when, the why, the how – about everything that is happening to them. They need understanding as well as guidance through this time where their emotions are confusing, and sometimes their actions and reactions aren’t really socially acceptable. A little like the toddler years.

Personally, I couldn’t wait for puberty as a child. I find it really magical and I think that’s why I am in the business I am in now. And why I became a Midwife. I don’t want people to be scared of menstruation or any of the other natural things that happen as a matter of course to girls and women.  I do think all of these milestones would be easier to navigate if they were talked about more, and if women in general were more accepted in society for all of their unique-yet-consistent bodily functions.

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(Think breastfeeding, normal body hair growth, as well as menstruation.)

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Young girls are spoken to about their upcoming bleed in all different ways – ‘the curse’, ‘Aunt Flo(w)’, etc. but seemingly rarely as something to be proud of. Perhaps if young girls were made to feel special, that it was an exciting unknown rather than a scary unknown, and nothing to be ashamed of – there wouldn’t be such fear and embarrassment surrounding this time.

 

It’s the main reason why I have included Menarché gift sets on my website. Not only do they include cloth pads in New Woman and Regular size, but they include a journal, a clay goddess bead, and locally made lip balm. It’s the whole idea of a gift to celebrate this special time in their lives that puts an entirely new spin on things. Not every girl is going to be ok with a New Woman celebration or women’s circle – or even a special family restaurant meal to celebrate. But something to acknowledge their impending or current milestone is a subtle way of removing the shame.

Girls really need practical assistance with the logistics of having their period. The fear that someone will find out or that they will bleed on their school dress is at the forefront of their minds daily in adolescence. The sound of disposable pad packaging crinkling and adhesive pads being ripped off underwear can’t be coughed over in the echoey toilet stalls. However, ashort “snap” and a little “zip” don’t always point to —> I HAVE MY PERIOD. Cloth pads work, are comfortable and discretely fold up nicely into a little bundle of coloured fabric. If it happens to fall out of her pocket, it doesn’t look like what it is.

 

Smoothing the transition to womanhood is complicated and needs to be individualised for each girl. Spend some time learning about the needs of your child – be open and honest in sharing information and answering questions, find out if they want to make anything of it with a celebration of some kind… and surprise them with a gift! It’s going to be stormy, but ultimately it’s nature – raw, beautiful, noisy, confusing – but the skies will clear in the end.